Life Support
by arkem
Summary: What happens when Alexis' life hangs in the balance? As events unfold and unexpected parallels in the lives of the present day Castle family are mirrored with the past, how will they cope? A family tale of two parts - 2011 (Castle/Alexis/Martha/Beckett) and 1993 (Castle/Meredith/Alexis)
1. Chapter 1

_**I'm terrible with descriptions so if you've made it this far, thank you! (I shall consider that a victory).**_

_**This story involves two time frames, 2011 (Alexis' final year of High School) and 1993 (before Alexis was born/when she was a newborn). I understand that time jumps can be confusing so I will write the year at the start of the alternate time frames to try and make things clearer.**_

* * *

_2011_

It had been just like every other Tuesday Alexis Castle had lived for over a decade. She woke up around 6am, showered and got dressed in the dark green uniform of Marlowe Prep. At around 6.45am, she made her way down the 'floating' stairs at the loft she shared with her father and headed straight to the kitchen to start on the breakfast.

She'd always been quite independent; from an early age, it was her who had taken on the role of parent, ensuring that she (and her father) were up and at it and out the door on time each morning. Alexis knew that if she left him to his own devices, her dad would rarely be up early enough to shower, shave and eat breakfast and you could forget about him getting to work on time. God only knows how he coped before she came along! As it is, the smell of brewing coffee wakes him each day along with the sweet smell of pancakes, bacon or something equally delightful.

Alexis was good to him and Castle knew it. He couldn't imagine a day without her in his life; his little ray of sunshine.

This Tuesday was no different.

"Mmm, can I smell coffee?" Castle asked, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand as he stumbled through to the kitchen on autopilot, still half asleep and in his pyjamas.

"You can," grinned Alexis while her father planted a kiss on her forehead, "with a side order of blueberry muffins."

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are?" Rick plonked himself down on the seat next to his daughter at the breakfast bar. "How did my DNA produce a daughter as remarkable as you? I mean, it's a miracle I survived long enough to even have a child, especially since that time I –– wait, I can't tell you that…that would be highly inappropriate." He took a sip of his coffee to give his mouth something to do other than spill his wildly charged, youthful stories. "Without you, I wouldn't have breakfast most mornings."

"…or clean shirts to wear. Speaking of which, there are three hanging up in the laundry room to tide you over 'til the weekend when _you _can do some more. I put a few through with my uniform."

"You're so good to me" he smiled sleepily.

"And don't you forget it" Rick lifted two fingers to his temple and waved them away again in a silent salute of 'Aye aye, Captain' to his daughter since his mouth was full of breakfast. Alexis left to clear away her plates, diligently stowing them in the dishwasher and putting away the carton of orange juice and the remains of the muffins before heading off to ready herself for school.

'_How did I get so lucky?' _Castle thought to himself. He had always wondered how he had created such a fine specimen of humanity when he himself was so far from embodying anything even remotely as extraordinary as Alexis.

Every day she made him proud to be her father; the A grades she always brought home on her report cards, her unfailing yet gentle honesty, the steadfast direction of her moral compass, the strength of her character and the humility and compassion she always showed for others. Every day, she made _him _a better father, a better man – without her, his world would crumble and he would be nothing. Every day, he thanked his lucky stars that such a beautiful person was part of his life.

By the time 7.30am rolled around, Rick had managed to drag himself off for a shower and Alexis was just about ready to leave; she had a standing arrangement with a couple of girls in her grade to meet at the entrance to the subway to walk to school. The school was big on 'going green' this year and the girls had decided to see how much energy they could save between them and how many people they could get to 'switch off' or take alternate, environmentally friendly transport and present it as a project at the end of their Senior Year; walking to school instead of riding the subway was just the beginning.

"See ya, Dad!" she called through to the bedroom

"What time do you think you'll be home tonight? I was thinking we could go out for dinner, an early birthday treat for Gram. What do you think?" he casually replied, strolling through the loft in his robe and roughly towel-drying his hair as he went, clearly not sensing Alexis' urgency in getting out the door.

"Erm, I dunno, probably around four? Maybe 4.30. Either way, I'll be back in time for dinner. Sounds like a great idea. Oh, and don't forget you promised Beckett you'd stop by and take her a late lunch after court this afternoon. Right, I gotta go, Dad – Sarah and Becky will be waiting! Love you." Alexis placed a quick kiss on her father's cheek and began to close the door behind her.

"Bye, Pumpkin. Have a good day."

"I will!" he heard as the elevator doors slid shut.

* * *

After spending the morning and half the afternoon procrastinating, shuffling his papers around and generally not achieving very much, Castle decided it was time for a break from all this 'pretending to work' and set about getting that late lunch he promised his partner.

He spent a good five to ten minutes summoning the motivation to actually leave his plush office chair and make himself 'presentable'; his hair was kind of scruffy, his stubble rough and he _was _still in the decade old sweatpants and oversized t-shirt he classified as 'pyjamas' when he was wandering around the loft…not exactly the image a bestselling author wanted to be splashed across the gossip mags. He was surprised at how hunger-inducing doing nothing was. Then again, it was 2.30 and breakfast was _hours _ago.

What to get, what to get…

Thai always went down well, with the boys as well. Lunch for Beckett undoubtedly meant lunch for Ryan and Esposito as well, so Thai seemed like a safe bet. Castle phoned ahead, engaged in a mighty helping of banter with the guy who took his order who then assured him that it would be ready to pick up on the way past.

* * *

At exactly 3.21pm (he noticed because he loved the fact that the numbers were in perfect reverse order, like a countdown almost), Castle arrived on the Homicide floor of the 12th with the late lunch he'd promised.

"Grubs up!" he announced, emptying the bag on the break room table. It didn't take his detective friends long to follow their noses right to the treasure he'd unearthed.

"Thai?! Way to go, bro" Esposito was clearly delighted. Ryan on the other hand just managed a thumbs up and cheesy grin since he'd already tucked in.

"I thought you'd never turn up, I'm starving" Beckett added, allowing her hand to graze the length of Castle's arm on her way to looking over the food at the table.

"So how was court this morning?" Castle asked no one in particular.

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, tilted his head and took another mouthful – clearly it had been a long day and nothing was more important to him than food right now. _Fair enough, _Castle supposed. He shouldn't have asked while it was feeding time at the zoo. Esposito didn't offer much up by way of a response either so Rick turned to Beckett.

"Went pretty much as expected" she replied, chewing that little bit faster to try and clear her mouth before she spoke. "We might get called back tomorrow or the day after but for now, we're all wrapped up. Looks like we've got a conviction in the bag, too." She smiled.

"A good days work well done, then!"

"What about you…how was your day?" she managed between mouthfuls.

"Well, funny you should ask. I rearranged my office, attended a top secret meeting, made a mad dash to the edge of the earth, saved the Universe and made it back in time for lunch with my favourite Dectective" Ryan and Esposito glared at him. "..sss" he added. "Favourite Detectivessss, plural. Of course."

Now it was Beckett's turn to stare him down.

"Eurgh, ok" he gave in, "So I moved around a few papers, the meeting was so secret its time and place were never published and the only edge I walked to was the balcony. BUT I did save the universe." He winked. Beckett still wasn't buying it. "What?! I did! I fed you three, didn't I? And you catch the bad guys and make this a better place, thus _you_ are saving the Universe from being overrun by vagrants therefore I am saving the Universe by feeding you." Castle seemed rather impressed by his reasoning. "Ha" he added just for good measure.

Beckett's hard fast exterior melted a little, enlightened by his childish good nature, crazy theories and unhindered imagination.

"And here's the rest of us with _real _jobs" she teased.

"Hey, I have a real job! Just because I don't have office hours and ––" his indignant would-be speech was interrupted by Beckett's cell ringing. She pulled it from her pocket, swallowed what was left of her food and answered.

"Beckett"

"I'm not done!" Castle whispered. "Just you wait!" Beckett hushed him, pressing a single finger to his lips.

"Mmhmm…Yup…OK. We'll be there in ten." And she hung up. "We've got a shooting, fourteen seriously wounded, six critical. Numerous others with minor injuries. They're requesting assistance on scene." She was hesitant as she spoke, clearly holding something back.

"Ooooh, this sounds like a _big _one. Finally, something exciting round here. It's been a while since we've had anything juicy." Castle jumped to his feet and was rubbing his hands together gleefully.

"Where we headed?" Ryan asked, reluctantly leaving his Thai food on the table.

Without saying a word, Beckett acquired the attention of her counterparts, the forlorn look on her face enough to alert them that something was up.

"Marlowe Prep" she divulged just as Castle's own cell phone began to vibrate on the table.

* * *

_**A/N:**_

_**As always, I hope you enjoyed it and won't hold back on letting me know what you think - good, bad or otherwise!**_

_**I have a decent amount of this already written (11 chapters), so providing everything goes well updates should be pretty regular. **_

_**And a special thank you to .Kate for encouraging me to post this. **_

_**A.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

_2011_

"Come on, Castle. Ride with me." Beckett directed, dragging the frozen writer to get him moving. "We need to leave, now."

"We…yeah. Go…now." He was too distracted and shell shocked by the phone call he'd just ended to really concentrate much on anything.

"It'll be ok" she assured him, squeezing his hand tightly, leading the way.

Speeding through the city, sirens wailing, all Castle could think about was the phone call that had changed everything, flipped his day on its head and brought his world crashing down around him.

He kept replaying the Principal's voice, over and over in his head.

"_I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Mr Castle." _he'd began. "_I'm afraid Alexis has been involved in an incident outside the school. It's serious, Mr Castle. EMS are on their way, the police too. I don't wish to alarm you, but you really should get here as soon as possible." _

He hadn't even managed to say anything back, he'd just stood there, slack jawed and unresponsive; so unlike him. It had been Beckett that had taken the phone away from his ear, his hand and told the Principal when he could expect him to arrive. She'd pocketed Castle's wallet and phone along with her own, knowing he'd only try and phone Alexis (and most likely fail to reach her, therefore causing more panic) if she hadn't.

_It's serious, Mr Castle._

_I don't wish to alarm you._

_You really should get here._

_EMS are on their way._

_It's serious. _

Over and over.

The short journey from the 12th to Alexis' school seemed to last a lifetime yet was also gone in the blink of an eye. No sooner had he started his endless recollection of the Principal's phone call and lost himself in never ending trepidation, Beckett had pulled her Crown Vic over by the police barrier outside the school – a place Castle had dropped Alexis off so many times over the years – and was hauling him out of the car, flashing her badge to get them through.

Despite her years as a Detective and as a beat cop before that, nothing could have prepared Beckett for what greeted them.

Broken glass littered the street, bullet fragments were scattered the length of the sidewalk. But what really hit home were the school books and papers, fluttering in the wind. The 'Hello Kitty' pencil case that had rolled into the road, the delicate artwork masterfully created by a talented student ripped to shreds by a stream of bullets, the purple iPod smashed into the concrete at her feet that was struggling to finish playing a One Direction tune.

The sea of green uniforms bathed in a deep, slick redness.

In front of her, the scene buzzed with activity. The dozen or so students that had been gunned down were surrounded by medics, each calling their demands to another, their radios alert with chatter.

Off to the side, teachers were consoling the younger children on the public side of the police cordon; groups of teenage girls huddled together in groups, some staring in disbelief, others crying uncontrollably, each seeking support in the embrace of another.

Kate grabbed Rick's hand again, and squeezed.

"I'm looking for Alexis Castle" she said to an EMT dashing past her.

"Sorry, not now." he shouted back to her as he ran to his ambulance, time of the essence.

She turned to the next closest official, a cop.

"Alexis Castle." She demanded, pulling out Castle's wallet to show the picture she knew would be there.

The officer waved his hand to his six, the same direction the rushing medic had come from. Kate darted forward, doing her best to keep herself and Castle out of the way of the frantic medics and bustling beat cops that were taking statements from blood-stained teenagers.

"Alexis!" she shouted, the worry clear in her tone but she couldn't help it. Castle squeezed her hand back, the first sign of communication he'd given since his phone had rang back at the 12th. Beckett turned to him, smiled meekly; words could do no justice here.

As they stepped over body after body on the pavement, Castle let go of Beckett's hand.

"Alexis! Alexis!"

'_I'm here' _he wanted to call out to her.

Scanning the fallen teenagers around them, Castle and Beckett split up, each taking a different route towards the far end of the crime scene and trying to ignore the horror that had unfolded around them.

"Time of death, 15:56" declared an on-scene Doctor, hovering over a young body covered with a deathly white sheet. The girl's feet, complete with slightly scuffed shoes and cutesy home-made ankle bracelet stuck out the bottom; a stark and very real reminder that just thirty minutes ago, she'd been a very real girl with family and friends that loved her and a future she could have made her own. Not wanting to ask, but needing to know, Beckett held up Castle's picture of Alexis again.

The Doctor shook his head. She'd never been so grateful that she'd failed to identify a victim. After the momentary and short-lived relief that accompanied such a discovery, the dread had returned, tying knots so tight in Beckett's stomach she wondered how she was still going.

Then she saw it. The fiery red hair strewn across the pavement. "Castle, over here!"

Beckett crouched next to the teenager. She was pale, cold. Blood stained her skin, matted her hair, turned large patches of her uniform to a murky brown. "It's ok, sweetie. You're going to be ok." She choked out, unable to convince herself, never mind Alexis. She locked eyes with the EMT, hoping for some reassurance from him. It didn't come.

Within seconds, Castle had joined her and the side of his daughter. "Oh, Pumpkin. I love you. I love you so much." The panic that had occupied his voice previously was replaced with a loving tenderness, sincerity, truthfulness. He brought her free hand up to his lips, kissed it before cuddling it into the side of his face, not wanting to let go.

"I…love…" and a singled fingered stroke on her father's cheek was all that she could muster before she was overwhelmed by a coughing fit, the blood sputtering from her mouth as she struggled to breathe, threatening to choke her. Her arm went limp against Castle's skin.

"Are you her parents?" the medic asked while suctioning as much blood as he could from Alexis' airway.

"Yes" Castle responded, without hesitation.

"Well then, Mr and Mrs…."

"Castle, Richard Castle."

"Mr and Mrs Castle," the medic continued. "You need to step back and give us some space. I don't know how you got past the barrier but -"

"I'm a cop" Kate interrupted, not bothering to correct their mistake and moved her jacket aside so her could see her shield.

"Oh, right. Even so, I need you to step back so we can give your daughter the best possible care. We're hoping to stabilise her enough to take her to the New York Presbyterian on East 68th. They have a specialist trauma centre that is best equipped to deal with her condition."

"And what about if she doesn't stabilise enough, where then?" Castle enquired. The medics, busy transferring Alexis to a spinal board shot Kate a look, sensing she was the most 'with it' out of the pair.

Beckett knew what they meant. If they didn't transfer her to the Presbyterian, they'd be taking her to the morgue. Her situation was critical.

"Castle, come on" she coaxed, "Let's find the boys and let them know what's happening. You need to phone Meredith as well. And your mother. You don't want them finding out about this on the evening news."

"No, I need to stay here, with Alexis."

"We're getting in the way, aren't we." She hinted to the medics to chip in.

"Yes, Mr Castle, we would be much more efficient if we had the space to work freely. We promise we are doing our absolute best for your daughter."

Beckett stood up, pulled for Castle with her. He resisted, taking a moment to kiss his daughter on the forehead, just as he had done that morning over blueberry muffins and coffee at breakfast. He stroked the hair from her face and reluctantly placed her hand down on the stone cold concrete. He leant in to her ear and lovingly whispered "Hold on, Pumpkin. Don't let go"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

_2011_

Having found Ryan and Esposito and filled them in on their (limited) knowledge of Alexis' condition, the boys agreed to cover for Beckett whilst she drove Castle to the hospital. She'd seen them load Alexis into the ambulance and got the thumbs up from the EMT that they were satisfied enough with her condition to be able to transport her to the New York Presbyterian.

"They're leaving, Castle" she said, the sound of yet another siren blaring. "Get in the car, I'll take you down there."

"No, you can't. You have work. I can't ask you to – "

"You're not asking, Castle. I'm telling you. Get in the car, I'm taking you to the hospital. Ryan and Espo have got me covered."

"But Gates–"

"Never mind Gates. Now let's go!"

He had no fight left in him and allowed Beckett to shepherd him back to the Crown Vic. He kept his eyes focussed on the horizon, unable to look at the school girls – just like his – that were still being attended to on the sidewalk, or worse, covered head to toe in the telling white sheet.

Each one of them was someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's friend. Each one of those hidden bodies could have been Alexis, could have been _his _daughter.

The thought wasn't doing much by way of helping him hold himself together so he banished it from his mind as best he could. It wasn't much use. Soon, the images of Alexis lying half in the road, pierced by bullets – how many, he didn't know – came rushing back to him. He recalled how her hand wilted at his cheek, how clammy her skin felt beneath his lips, how the life was draining out of her.

He was a writer of mystery novels, of death and destruction, but he couldn't have written anything like this. The raw heartache he felt, the dread and sorrow – none of it could be put in to words. It was indescribable.

Unaware how he'd got there, Castle found himself riding along in the passenger seat of Beckett's car. Numb. He felt completely numb. It's kind of funny if you think about it, 'feeling numb'. How can you 'feel numb' when the very meaning of the word is 'with no feeling'? How can you feel with no feeling? Had the situation been different, Castle would have revelled in yet another contradictory term of the English language and marvelled at how brilliant it was.

That was for another day. Today was about Alexis.

He felt himself slipping away into his consciousness, thinking about the day his life had changed forever, eighteen years ago.

* * *

_1993_

Before Alexis was born, Castle hadn't cared much for children. Sure he enjoyed other people's babies at a family function or 'peek-a-boo'-ing toddlers on the subway but it was the 'giving them back' part he had enjoyed most. He'd never really considered having one of his own – he had treasured his 'foot loose and fancy free' lifestyle too much. It was no good staying out til the crack of dawn or inviting half the launch party back to keep the celebrations going, if you had a baby at home. Money, women, fame, seeing the world – that had been Richard Castle's original life plan. There was no room for children. But all that was due to change when he met Meredith.

For a long while, his plan remained much the same. He had money, he had fame, he'd seen the world and now he had a wife. Meredith was just as free-spirited as he was and that is what he loved about her. They were spontaneous and carefree, living life in the moment and caring about little else. If they wanted a new sports car, they'd buy one. If they wanted front row tickets to the hottest show in town, they would get them. If they woke up and decided they wanted to go to Vegas for the weekend or that they should rent a villa in Spain for a fortnight, then they would. Spontaneity was their 'thing', it kept their lives interesting and allowed them to live out their passions. It was during one of their impulsive getaways that their life reached an unexpected crossroads.

"I'm pregnant" Meredith had announced one morning, leaning against the wooden door frame of the en-suite.

Castle may have been famous for his use of words, but when it came to finding the right ones in his personal life they often evaded him. He propped himself up amongst the crisp white sheets in their holiday Villa. He took a moment to find his words before speaking on a deep sigh.

"Are you sure?"

"I've done three of these" she waved the DIY pregnancy tests at him. "…and they all came back positive, so yes, I'm sure."

It was then, that exact moment that changed the Castle's lives forever: whether they liked it or not, they were now responsible for the life of another.

Meredith wasn't best pleased and spent the rest of their 'third honeymoon' (skiing in the Alps had been the desire this time) on the phone complaining to the company that manufactured her birth control pills. Castle's mornings consisted of listening to his wife rant about how this 'shouldn't have happened' and how she 'took every precaution' – she hadn't of course, she'd only taken _one _precaution and she hadn't even taken that one particularly well, but that was clearly besides her point. While he waited the morning out, praying for it to be over, she was watching the clock, waiting for the business day to begin in New York so she could phone again and let her feelings be known to the next person up in the hierarchy.

By the mid-afternoons on the remaining days of his holiday, Castle was fed up lounging around the chalet absorbing his wife's negativity. Every day she spoke to someone else, someone more important than the last. Every day she forgot, that what was done was done. She couldn't undo it now. She couldn't turn the clock back and not end up pregnant. No matter who's head she ended up with on a plate, these things just…happen, sometimes. He believed in that; in fate. Maybe they were _meant _to get pregnant. Perhaps their child would be a prodigy, a world leader, a Nobel Prize winner… _That _was when Rick Castle's life plan changed. It wasn't his child's fault that he or she was conceived, but perhaps it came into being for a reason. It had a purpose, and now, so did he.

On the third day after finding out their news, Rick called and cancelled Meredith's cell plan, rendering the device useless.

"Lighten up, live for the moment" he'd told her as they sat by the log fire sipping orange juice from champagne glasses. He took her hand in his, "How can a child, _our _child, be such a bad thing?"

"You've changed your tune." She huffed. Rick smiled, pulled his wife to her feet and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Come on, it'll have its mother's good looks, its father's charm…" he began to move in time to the soft music playing out over the late night radio. Meredith sunk into his chest, breathing him in.

"Things will never be the same again, will they?" she lamented.

"No, but who says change has to be bad?" he asked. He couldn't see it, but a tear ran down her face and fell on to her belly.

'_How can this be good?' _ Was all that she could think.

* * *

_2011_

Beckett parked right outside the ER, tossing her police placard onto the dash so she wouldn't get towed.

"This way" she told Castle, heading for the automatic doors.

The ER was full of people. Some were sick on gurneys, some had an arm in a sling, others a bandage covering a head wound. But none of them were Alexis. He hadn't expected them to be, but he didn't know what he expected to find.

Beckett marched over to the reception desk.

"Alexis Castle" she demanded.

"And you are…?"

"Her parents" Castle chimed in. "We were told they were bringing her here. From the Marlowe Prep shooting?"

Beckett didn't understand it; why did Castle keep making out like she was Alexis' mother? Surely that could only lead to trouble when Meredith showed up? And what if Castle was away some place and they asked her to sign some forms or consent to something urgent? She couldn't do that, surely… But now wasn't the time. He needed her to be there for him and if this was the best, no questions asked, way for him to do it then so be it. For now, she'd just go along with it.

"Very well, Mr and Mrs Castle. If you'd like to take a seat in the relative's room, someone will come and see you shortly." The somewhat stocky and unsympathetic receptionist gestured to a side room just off the main waiting area, all the while keeping her eyes trained on her computer screen.

Castle and Beckett followed her lousy directions to the relative solitude of the relative's room. There were two other sets of concerned parents in there, each nervously awaiting news on their daughter. Rick recognised one of them as Sarah Langton's mother – one of the girls that walked to school with Alexis. It made sense, he supposed, since they were due to walk home together at the time of the shooting. He'd insisted on meeting the girls' parents when they'd invited Alexis on a trip to tour some Colleges in the West for a long weekend. He knew that the woman would be here alone, her husband overseas in the Middle-East pursuing a potentially high-earning business venture.

"Mrs Langton…" he began, but words failed him. He couldn't manage anymore; a professional word-smith and he had nothing to say. The petite, blonde haired woman simply reached out and embraced him, letting her face fall into his chest and together, they cried.


	4. Chapter 4

_2011_

As more and more parents were ushered into the relative's room, Sarah's mother withdrew from Castle.

"I'm sorry," she said, barely audible. The woman did her best to pull herself together. She wiped her tear-stained cheeks, straightened her jacket, fixed her hair. "I don't know what come over me."

"It's ok," Castle soothed, "It's a tough time for all of us." He gestured around the room, now filled with the parents of six other students as well. "We have to stick together. No one else understands what we're going through."

"Still, I…I have a husband. He might not be able to be here, but I still have a husband. You know how people talk; I don't want them getting the wrong idea." As if reading her cue, Beckett stepped up and nestled herself under Castle's arm and into his side, one hand round his back, the other across his chest.

"No one's getting the wrong idea here." She assured. "You're more than welcome to sit with us while we wait for news on the girls." The woman's face melted once again, her resolve vanishing. "I'm Kate." Beckett offered, along with her hand.

"Janet." Sarah's mother managed, following Kate's lead and sandwiching herself between Castle and Beckett on the sofa just behind them. You'd have thought that they would have put a decent sofa in a room like this; a room where parents were given horrendous news about their child, a room where bad news was the norm. Instead of a plush, comfy sofa to cushion the blow, the families were subjected to the barely there stuffing over a hardwood frame. They were halfway to heartache just by sitting on the thing.

Not really being a big one for being openly affectionate, Castle was surprised to see Beckett wrap an arm around Janet's shoulders and utter gentle reassurances, planting hope in the woman's mind in anticipation of it blooming and growing into reality. Lately he was beginning to see more of the 'non-detective' side of his muse and he had to admit, that even despite the circumstances, he liked it.

The moderate hum of activity in the relative's room can to an abrupt halt with three knocks at the door. It cracked open slightly and a Doctor poked her head around.

"I'm looking for the parents of a Sarah Langton."

Janet took a deep breath in but didn't move, unsure whether her legs could even support her weight anymore as the dread washed over her.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Kate asked.

"No, I can do this. I have to do this. For my daughter." she took another minute or so before struggling to her feet and announcing "That's me."

The Doctor smiled a little in acknowledgement and led Janet outside and into another room.

"God, this is almost like dying." Castle muttered so only Beckett could hear.

"Sorry?" Beckett was confused, and understandably so.

"When it's your turn, you get called up. You go somewhere and no one comes back to tell you what's on the other side."

"Hmm, I suppose you're right. Way to look on the bright side, Castle. You can't think like that though. I'm sure Alexis will be just fine."

The mellow humdrum returned to the relative's room, idle chatter punctuating the overwhelming tension packed into such a small room. Each time the door knocked, its occupants collectively held their breath, hoping it was their turn yet wishing that it wasn't – afraid of the unknown.

"Mr and Mrs Castle?" the latest Doctor to knock requested. Castle stood up, Beckett hesitated, not used to responding to the label of 'Mrs Castle'.

"Yes?" he asked, gathering up his jacket.

"If you would like to come with me." The Doctor guided Castle and Beckett down the corridor, bare and uninviting. He walked a few steps ahead, making small talk as he went. Castle was unsure whether it was meant to settle them as Alexis' 'parents' or whether it was for the Doctor's own sanity; either way, he didn't much feel like hearing it. He reached for Beckett, wrapping an arm around her waist, holding her close, using her to support him physically as well as mentally.

"It'll be alright" she whispered, leaning in close enough for him to hear her words. His only response was to hold her closer, tighter.

After a couple of lefts and the odd right, the Doctor lead the 'Castles' into another room, smaller than the first. They were the only ones in this one.

_Privacy is never good. _Castle thought. _Privacy means bad news._

"Mr and Mrs Castle, please," the Doctor began, closing the door behind him and offering the couple a seat. "As I'm sure you're aware by now, Alexis is in a bad way. Her condition _is _critical. She's suffered four gunshot wounds; two to the right arm/shoulder, one to the chest and another to the abdomen."

Castle hung his head, balancing it on his hands which in turn were resting upon his knees. Beckett squeezed his shoulders, letting him know she was there with him, every step of the way.

"The damage to her arm appears to be superficial. All major vessels were missed and our main concern there is stitching her up, avoiding infection and obviously physical therapy once she's well enough."

Superficial, she was going to be ok. Castle lifted his head and settled it on his now clasped hands. Good news – in the grand scheme of things – he could handle that. He now felt able to meet the Doctor's eye and become an active part in the conversation rather than behaving like a teenager being reprimanded.

"We fear that the shot to her abdomen may have punctured her liver. Scans have shown haemorrhaging in the area, but with so much trauma, it's difficult to tell at this time. Obviously this is a worry for us, but it is the shot to her chest that most concerns us. We are confident that her aorta remains intact but her lung has been punctured and has subsequently collapsed and she is also bleeding into her chest cavity. We've inserted a drain to release the blood that has accumulated but that is only a temporary measure, we need to stop the bleeding."

Rick had stopped hearing after 'punctured liver', fearing the worst. Fear, anguish and dread flooded over him; it was Kate that continued to take in the information offered by the Doctor.

"Alexis is on her way to surgery, where we can hopefully stem the bleeding into her chest and repair the lung and any other damage in the area. We also have a team ready to investigate and repair her abdominal wounds and anything else that we may discover whilst we are in theatre." It was then that the Doctor noticed how pale and unresponsive Alexis' father had become. "Mr Castle? Mr Castle?" It was no use. "Mr Castle, I know this is a lot to take in, but Alexis really is receiving the best possible care. I have to go to theatre now, but I shall inform you both immediately of any change in your daughter's condition."

The Doctor got to his feet, as did Kate. The pair shook hands and a brief "Thank you" slipped from Kate's lips before the Doctor exited as swiftly as they had arrived.

"I guess we're in for a long wait." Beckett sighed. "Have you rang Meredith yet? Or your mother?"

"No, I –– you have my cell, remember?"

"Oh, of course, here." She reached into her pocket and handed it over to him. He made no effort to call either his ex-wife or his mother. Instead, he simply flicked his wrist causing his cell phone to spin round and round between his thumb and middle finger.

"I can't do it." He said eventually. "How can I tell mother that her only grandchild could die today? How do you even begin to tell someone what we were just told? And Meredith, I…I just can't do it."

Kate clasped her hands around Rick's, preventing him from spinning the phone again. "Let me" her voice was soft and full of calm.

"I couldn't ask you to do that, it – it's not right, not fair."

"Castle, I do this for a living. It's my job to tell families worse news than this. Alexis is still holding on, there's hope for her. That's the best news I've been able to deliver a victim's family in a long time."

He cringed at that, hearing his daughter referred to as the 'victim'. Alexis wasn't a victim, she was his little girl. Her smile and beautiful personality was all the sunshine he needed to wake up to in the morning, what kept him going. If she was a victim, that meant he was too.

Beckett sensed his unease and prised the cell from his hands. "Let me, Castle. Please." He didn't put up a fight, he couldn't. Every last bit of his strength was saved for Alexis, for her fight.

"I can't find 'Meredith' in here…" Beckett said, scrolling again just to be sure.

"Oh, she's not under 'M'."

"Deep fried twinkie?"

"That's the one." A half laugh escaped from him under his breath. There was nothing funny about the situation, but 'Deep Fried Twinkie' got him every time and he was grateful for the couple of seconds of respite from his gruelling reality.

"…It's ringing." She informed him.

"Richard!" came a shrill voice down the receiver. "Richard! Oooh! I miss that hot body of yours, I do belie-"

"Meredith?" Beckett interrupted before she was subject to anymore of the 'Twinkie'. "It's Kate, actually…Beckett."

"Nikki Heat?! The Detective?"

"Yes, the Detective. Listen…"


	5. Chapter 5

_2011_

"Your mom is on her way. She's just in the process of cancelling her evening classes and tomorrow's and she'll be right over."

"Right, thanks." Castle was still pretty unresponsive, struggling to process what had happened.

How could a day that started so wonderfully take such a drastic turn? This morning, he and Alexis had been enjoying a lovely breakfast together, smiling and happy, without a care in the world except for having enough clean shirts to last 'til the weekend. And now? Now he didn't know if they'd ever share breakfast again. He wasn't even miserable or upset, he just didn't know what to feel. Where would he be without her? It didn't bear thinking about.

"I could barely get a word in edge ways with Meredith" Beckett interrupted his self-destructive thought process. "She insists that it can't be that bad and you're hyping it up like you do in your books. I told her she's critical and in emergency surgery…and then she went into full on drama queen mode. She's looking for a flight out of L.A. but you know how busy they are this time of year, what with the holiday season coming up."

"Is it bad that I don't want her here?" he asked as Kate came back to sit with him now that she'd finished wandering round making phone calls.

"It's not bad when all you want is what's best for Alexis." She sighed into the top of his head as he relaxed into her shoulder, his heavy lids falling over his eyes, the emotional toil of the day having drained the energy from him.

* * *

_1993_

Rick had known Meredith was sceptical about the pregnancy and it only became more evident once they returned home from the Alps. While Rick busied himself with clearing out the spare room and booking Meredith's doctor appointments, he began to dream of the day he'd teach his son or daughter how to throw a football or ride a bike. He'd take them to Yankees games and to the top of the Empire State. For the first time, he found himself excited about a future that wouldn't revolve around him.

The same couldn't be said for Meredith. After the initial shock had worn off, she hadn't been upset about the baby per se, but she hadn't been particularly overjoyed either. There was never a question in either of their minds that they would keep it, but Rick could tell that his wife was struggling with the turn in events.

"I don't care, decorate it whatever colour you want. It's not as if the baby can tell the difference." she'd said without a hint of passion when he'd asked her which of the eight different colour test patches he'd painted on the wall would be the best choice for their child's nursery.

"Come on Meredith, I'm trying here. You could at least pretend to be interested in our baby." His pleas were met with a groan of disbelief and annoyance and then she simply flicked the page of her magazine and kept on reading about 'Celeb bikini bodies' and how everyone could get one in time for summer.

Rick had tried to make light of the situation but it clearly wasn't happening for him. "I don't think 'bikini bod' is what we're going for this year…more like 'beautiful bump' – not everyone can have one of them you know." he'd said, leaning over the back of the couch in his painting clothes and kissing his wife's neck, just below her ear.

Meredith flung her magazine down on the floor and slumped down even further into the sofa, very much mimicking a toddler temper tantrum.

"Oh no you don't!" Castle declared and scooped his wife up, balancing her round the back of his neck, an arm and a leg draped over his shoulders. He ran her round the loft, making aeroplane noises as he went. "Nnniiiioooooowwwwww, nnnniiiiiioooooowwwww."

Even in her foul mood, Meredith couldn't help but laugh. He was so good at this, at making her feel better about everything. Sometimes he could be so childish, but it was one of the things she loved about him and it was one of the things that would make him a great father.

"Put me down, Rick!" she giggled.

"Not until you're happy again. Nnnnniiiiiooooowwwwww" he continued to fly around the apartment.

"Rick!" It had been months since she'd laughed this much. She'd forgotten how fun being with him could be. "Rick, the baby! You're squashing it."

"Very well." He declared, setting her down on the threshold of the nursery. "Maybe you and the baby could tell me which colour you both like now?"

Resigned, Meredith stepped into the room – which looked totally different now he'd emptied it out and painted a series of patches on the wall.

"Now, this one is 'custard'…this is 'lemon'…'banana'…'buttercup'" he pointed to each of the colours in turn.

"Yellow, Rick. They're all yellow." She honestly couldn't tell the difference. "And why do they all have to be named after foods?"

"Buttercup isn't a food…"

"Rick!"

"Ok, I get it. All variety of yellow is out." He turned and closed the door over to reveal his second and third colour choices, all unisex of course since they had yet to find out the sex of the baby. "We have 'mint', 'spring meadow', 'peaches and cream' and 'mango melody'."

His previous success in cheering her up was rapidly disappearing.

"Enough of the food again, it makes me feel sick just thinking about food. I don't care, Rick. It's just a colour."

As much as he'd tried to hide his disappointment at her reaction, it was clear even to Meredith that this was important to him.

"Spring meadow," she sighed, softening. She dipped her finger in the paint pot and smeared it on his nose. "At least it won't make me nauseous every time you talk about it." She placed a gentle kiss on his unsuspecting lips, an apology of sorts to compensate for her 'moment', before proceeding towards the lounge leaving Rick in the nursery, now with a soppy grin on his face to accompany the paint.

* * *

_2011_

Castle jolted awake as his head slipped from Beckett's shoulder.

_Some things never change. _He thought.

"Hey, sorry. I must have dozed off. How long was I out?"

"Not long, I thought you were just having a quiet moment. Didn't even realise you'd dropped off."

"Oh, that's good then, I suppose. At least I didn't miss anything."

"Coffee?"

"Erm, yeah, actually. That'd be great. Thanks."

"No worries. Here" she got to her feet and handed him back his cell phone. "Call me if you need to. I won't be long, ten minutes tops. Promise."

* * *

_1993_

Upon discovering that Meredith's due date was Halloween, Rick nicknamed their unborn child 'Pumpkin' in honour of his favourite holiday. He'd considered other options but 'Black cat', 'Little Witch' and 'Baby Frankenstein' weren't exactly beautiful things to refer to your child by.

At the ultrasound, Rick's heart skipped a beat at the grainy image that appeared on the screen before him. The sound of his baby's heartbeat was a symphony to his ears. He could feel himself welling up – that was his baby. _His _baby. It was real. It was alive. It had a heartbeat, and a strong one at that.

Meredith's face registered no reaction. Not of sorrow, not of joy. Nothing.

"How long 'til we're done here?" she'd asked the ultrasound technician, not five minutes after they'd walked in.

Rick refused to believe that she truly felt nothing for their child; deep down, he thought, there was something there - a smouldering ember that he hoped would eventually take hold and fully ignite.

* * *

_2011_

He'd done it again. He might have spent the morning and most of the afternoon doing nothing, but the afternoon's events had really taken it out of him. He sat himself up properly, rubbed his hands over his face and shook his head a little to try and wake himself up a bit more.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Beckett handed him the coffee she'd bought, no mean feat in this place. "It took me ages to find it. You'd have thought there would be a small coffee shop or a café or _something."_

"Thanks, Kate."

"No problem. I can't promise it'll taste any good though – it came from one of those instant vending machine things on the third floor." she admitted, re-joining him on the sorry excuse for a couch.

"Doesn't matter where it came from, I just need the caffeine."

The two of them sat in that room, with its mismatched mauve and pine walls, badly hung pictures and faux-flowers, sipping their coffees and doing little else.

"Did mother say how long it would be before she got here?"

"No, but she'll be here as soon as she can. She feels bad enough for not being here already, she really thinks the world of Alexis."

"I know, sometimes I feel like I'm on the outside of some secret club" he joked. "They have this amazing bond, something that clicks between them that I'm not a part of."

"Women have this special way of connecting with each other. I don't know what it is, but there's something about a friendship, that bond with another woman that helps you to understand yourself that bit more."

"Woah, who are you and what have you done with Kate Beckett? I never had you down for the sentimental/attached type."

"I'm not…it's just...I understand it. It's like Lanie, there are times when I'm convinced she knows me better than I do. It's the same for Martha and Alexis. And since Alexis has never really had a…" she had to be careful not to offend anyone here, "a…consistent mother figure, her grandmother is the next best thing."

"I never thought of it like that. I suppose you're right."

"And you know I'm always going to be here for you. And Alexis. Heck, even for Martha if she needs me."

Castle chuckled lightly, feeling wrong for doing so when his daughter was under-going lifesaving surgery as they spoke.

"_Always_" she emphasized, making sure that he knew she meant what she had said. "It's going to be ok, Castle. You know that, right?"

Castle reached for her hand, held it tight. "Thank you." He said, "I truly mean that."


	6. Chapter 6

_2011_

"Oh darling!" The door to their sanctuary flew open and in waltzed Hurricane Martha, headed straight for Castle. "Thank you dear." She waved off the orderly that had shown her the way. Rick barely had time to let go of Kate and stand up before his mother hurtled into him, full speed.

"Ooof. Mother, you made it."

"Of course I made it dear. Our dear Alexis is fighting for her life. Where else would I be?!" her voice was sharp and forceful and Castle had to remind himself that it was her worry talking and not any form of spite or bitterness. Kate's gentle hand at the small of his back worked wonders in steadying him, keeping him grounded.

"You got here ok?"

"Yes, yes. Enough of the pleasantries my dear boy," she softened slightly and held him at arm's length, "How is she doing? Any news?"

"I…I ––"Rick looked a little lost at that question.

Honestly, he had no idea what state she was in – he'd shut down when the Doctor was talking because he couldn't handle it. He felt ashamed of himself now. How could he be so self-absorbed? His daughter was fighting for her life and he didn't want to hear it. He'd run off inside his own head to escape from it. Alexis couldn't escape it so why should he?

_Selfish._

"As I told you on the phone, she's in surgery." Thank god, Kate had come to his rescue – yet again.

"Kate, darling. I didn't see you there." Martha enveloped her in a brief hug, kissed one of her cheeks. Kate was never one for such affection from people she barely knew, but she'd spent a fair few dinners round the Castle's lately that she supposed Martha thought it justified. "But that's all you said, my dear. Is it serious? I saw on the news that some kids had been shot! They even said that four had died, dozens injured. That can't be true. And our Alexis? Ohhh!" The reality was beginning to hit her and she fell into Kate's seat on the sofa.

"She's…in emergency surgery. She's lost a lot of blood. They need to stop her bleeding and fix all the internal damage." Kate began recounting what the Doctor had said, paraphrasing a bit to spare Martha as best she could but still giving her enough to know the seriousness of it all.

By now, Castle had joined his mother on the seat, each clutching at the other's hand. Kate knelt in front of them both, bringing herself level with them.

"The surgery could take hours." She glanced at her watch. 6.45. It had already been almost two hours since the Doctor had been to see them. "Why don't I leave you two alone for a while? Let you have some family time."

"Oh, no. Don't feel like you have to go because of me, dear. Stay, please. I'm sure Richard is grateful for your being here."

"No, really. I think you two need some time together, to process all this. I'm going to go back and check on the investigation, see how things are going, if I can speed things up in any way."

"You'll be back?" Castle asked, speaking for the first time in a long while.

"Of course." She reached for both Castle and Martha. "I'll just be a couple of hours. I need to find the boys and thank them for covering for me and no doubt I'll have to explain myself to Gates, but I'll be back. As soon as I can."

Castle seemed satisfied with this answer and was a bit more willing to let her go, despite fearing her absence.

"And if you need me before then, you know how to get me." For the final time, she pressed Castle's cell phone back into his hand. "_Any_ time" she reminded him, "I won't be far away." And with that, she slipped out the door and disappeared in the bustling corridors of the Presbyterian.

* * *

_1993_

"No one will hire me if I'm all fat and puffy" Meredith had exclaimed when the petite bump that would become Alexis couldn't be concealed any longer.

It wasn't like she'd had a stream of work before she got pregnant, but Rick had to admit that it had definitely slowed to a trickle. But it didn't matter to him, they had a home, they had enough money, they had each other.

"You're not fat and puffy. Come here," Rick had consoled, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "You're beautiful and you're pregnant and you're doing such a fantastic job of looking after our baby." He kissed the top of her head with every point he made, hoping she'd believe him.

In his eyes, she'd never been more beautiful. And now that he could actually see his baby grow? He loved her more than he ever thought he could. He knew she loved him too, she just wasn't so happy about loving him lately, since it was 'loving' him that had gotten her 'all fat and puffy' in the first place.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do." and he'd planted a passionate kiss on her lips, doing his best to show her how much he loved her, loved them – the three of them. "When have you ever known me to botch my words?" he bent down to kiss her bump. "Will you tell your mother? Tell her she's beautiful. Tell her we love her no matter what she thinks she looks like. Go on, do as your father tells you." By the time he'd finished his little speech he was wagging his finger at Meredith's navel, staring it down.

"Haha, ok, ok. Stop that." He just had a way of making her giggle and go all silly when he did things like that. "I believe you. Both of you! I just wish it didn't affect my work like it does."

"It? You hear that Pumpkin? She called you it! Your own mother and – "

This time it was Meredith that had targeted Castle's lips with her own, slow and sensual; the perfect way to shut him up. Rick grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, her bump sandwiched between them.

"Mmm, what was that for?" he asked when they finally broke apart.

"For being so wonderful. For making me feel better. For reminding me how lucky I am."

He bent down and placed his ear to his wife's stomach. "You catch that?" he whispered. "She admitted I was right."

"Oh quiet, you" and she pulled him back for more.

She knew she could be hard work at times, ungrateful even, but she also knew that no matter how much she complained she actually really did love their baby. _Their baby. _It still sounded strange to her.

"Oh! Did you feel that?" Castle asks, taking a giant step back, his mouth hanging in a wide 'O'. "_That!"_

"You mean the kick? I get it all the time." She said, brushing his excitement off with a tonne of nonchalance.

"Wha-? You do?! Why did you never tell me?!"

"I dunno, it never seemed that important."

"Not important? Are you kidding? It's amazing!"

"The first time I wasn't even sure if it was her. It felt a bit like butterflies or something."

"She's a 'her' now?"

Meredith slapped his chest playfully. "She's always been a 'her'."

"But we don't know that for sure…"

"I do. I just feel like she's a 'her'. Anyway, I wasn't sure the first time, and then the second time you were sleeping, the third you were writing and had banned me from the office except if it was 'absolutely necessary'" (she said that last bit just like Castle, getting ahead of the game and mocking him while she could) "…and then after that, the novelty disappeared and it was just another thing that happened to me every day."

"For the record – that totally counts as 'absolutely necessary'. Anything relating to our baby is necessary. I don't want to miss these things."

"Well if you don't want to miss it, here." Meredith placed his hand on her bump, round the left side. "She's got hiccups. Feel."

The widest Cheshire Cat grin spread across his face. Not only could he feel her (if she even _was _a her) kicking her legs and wriggling in the womb, he could feel her little hiccups through his wife's belly, and best of all? Meredith was happy. For the first time, he really felt like she was on board with all of this. It was all he could ask for. That, and the fact he was going to be a dad – a great one.

* * *

_2011_

"Darling? Richard? Did you hear a word of anything I just said?"

"I…no, sorry mother."

"Honestly, I don't know how you get anything done the way you drift off in day dreams like that. No wonder you're such a good writer, you spend so much time in your own dreamland you forget about reality."

He caught sight of the clock in the corner of the room. "Listen, it's getting late. I haven't eaten since lunchtime. Could you nip out and get a sandwich? Maybe a bottle of water?"

"A sandwich? Are you sure that's enough? You have to keep your strength up, kiddo. You're no good to Alexis if you waste away."

"A sandwich is fine. I'm not sure what else there is around here anyway."

"You leave it with me" she assured, picking up her purse. "You stay here in case the Doctor drops by."

"Will do. Here" he reached for his wallet to give her some cash, realising at the last minute that Beckett still had it from when she was flashing Alexis' picture to cops at the scene.

"Nonsense!" Martha waved him away, not catching on that he hadn't found anything in his back pocket. "Can't a mother buy her son some food?"

"Yes. Of course. Thank you, mother."


	7. Chapter 7

_2011_

Driving on autopilot from the hospital to the Precinct, Beckett took the necessary streets and avenues without paying much attention. Pulling up in her designated spot outside, she could see that Ryan and Esposito were already back. She definitely had some explaining to do when Gates found out she'd been A.W.O.L.

Stepping out of the elevator on the Homicide Floor, she scanned the bullpen for a sign of her colleagues. Esposito's desk was unoccupied, as was Ryan's. Sitting at her own desk, she saw the files and notebooks they'd left for her, the ones they'd hoped would give her a heads up before Gates got a hold of her.

She picked up the top file, the NYPD emblem splashed on its manila cover and sheets upon sheets of paper contained within its fold. Flicking through them and skim reading as best she could, Beckett tried to absorb as much of the basic information as she could.

_Fourteen seriously wounded. Six in critical condition. Four dead upon police arrival at scene. All females aged 15-18yrs. Most suffering from multiple GSW, some from crush injuries. Seventeen referred for minor medical attention re: cuts/scrapes, minor head injuries, shock._

The file contained countless witness statements, all in Ryan's hand. Names, addresses, minor details – it was all in there. She picked up the other file, Esposito's; more witness statements, crime scene photos, a list of things for him to chase up, people he wanted to talk to.

She started absorbing the details she could; the shooters were thought to be white, in a black or navy car, New York or Jersey plates…

"Detective Beckett?" Gates' voice resonated down the hallway, stern and unforgiving. "My office."

Dumping her files back on the desk, Beckett obeyed orders and headed to the Captain's office.

"Shut the door." And she dutifully did so, not wanting to rattle Gates' cage further. Ryan and Esposito were also in the room, looking uncharacteristically sheepish as if they'd just had their ass handed to them.

"Sir, I – "

"Don't 'Sir' me. Where have you been Detective?" Beckett didn't answer, instead leaving Gates to get it all off her chest. "You have been off running in the wind for half the day and left your co-workers to cover for you. Yet again." The Captain's words were harsh, seeped in disgust. "This is unacceptable and I will NOT tolerate it in my Precinct. Do I make myself clear?!"

"Yes, Sir." She bit her bottom lip ever so slightly, trying to keep her own emotion from boiling over. "I was at the hospital." She managed after a deep breath. "The Presbyterian. It's the trauma centre allocated to deal with the…" she hesitated, still struggling to attach the label to Alexis. "…victims. I was liaising with families, keeping tabs of the victims' status and our homicide count." If there was one thing that Beckett and her team were good at, it was blagging their way out of trouble. They'd worked together for so long now that they'd learnt each other's cues; when to speak, when to hold back, what to say and what was better left unsaid.

"Like we said before," Esposito stepped up, "Detective Beckett was following leads elsewhere."

"Yes, but isn't it funny how neither of you could tell me what these leads were _before _Detective Beckett decided she would grace us with her presence."

"We didn't know the exact nature of the lead, Sir. It was decided quite quickly that Detective Beckett would follow the ambulances to the hospital to preserve the evidence chain and ensure the most up to date information was fed back to us on the ground." Now Ryan was doing his part, working his charm to keep their metaphorical hole from getting any deeper.

"And this has absolutely _nothing _to do with the fact that Mr Castle – who is now also absent – is the father of one of our victims?"

The team exchanged blank looks, none of them knowing what to say for the best.

"Detectives," Gates addressed the boys. "You are dismissed. Get back to your desks and start processing your information. Keep me in the loop. I want to know _everything._"

"Yes, Sir" they replied in unison and quietly slipping out the door.

"And as for you, Detective Beckett," her tone changed slightly once the door shut behind Ryan and Esposito. "I know you and Mr Castle have a history to some degree, but that does _not _come into my Precinct. If he affects your ability to do the job to such an extent that you're running off and leaving your friends over there to cover for you" she waved in the direction of Ryan and Esposito's desks, "then I will have his clearance revoked so fast he won't know what's hit him. There is no room for personal relationships in this business, Detective. You have your colleagues, your boss. That is all. When you step off the elevator onto this floor in the morning, you check your emotions at the door. All day, while you're walking around with that shield, you are on _my _watch. Understood?"

Beckett could feel her cool slipping, her temperature rising and her emotion with it. "Yes…_Sir_" she said sharply, her reluctance clear.

"Good. Now, you go back out there and you do your job. The best thing you can do for your 'partner' is to catch the persons responsible for this atrocity. You can visit the Castle's on your own time, not on my dime."

She didn't wait to be dismissed, her temper flaring to such an extent she threatened to boil over. Storming out of Gates' office, she made sure to slam the door a bit harder than was necessary on her way; she knew it was childish, but it was oh so satisfying at the same time. Beckett threw herself down in her chair and began hurriedly preparing the evidence for her murder board. The sooner it was done, the sooner they could leave – the sooner she could get back to Castle.

Beckett turned to Ryan.

"Fill me in on what you've got." Her request sounding more like a snappy demand than she had meant it to, but it had been a tough day and she was _so _over niceties.

"Given the dozen or so eyewitnesses we got to talk to on scene, not as much as we'd hoped." Ryan knew there was no 'good' way to break the news that evidence was thin on the ground in a case with such high personal stakes.

"We have about four different car descriptions " Esposito pitched in flipping his notebook open to the appropriate page. "…black, Ford, sedan. Navy, Toyota, saloon. New York plates, New Jersey plates. Two shooters, three shooters…They're all over the shop."

"Eurgh, what else have you got?"

"About eighty shells, and counting."

"Eighty? For a drive by? That seems like an awful lot for such a small area…" The numbers were shocking, even for her.

"And that's just the ones we've found on first look. It appears they were shooting for about 100 yards, give or take. They were obviously targeting the school gate area but they weren't very good shots." Ryan began to go into more detail as they stepped out of the elevator and made their way through the bullpen toward their desks. "Many of them went straight into the walls and hedges, clearly we're dealing with amateurs here."

"We've yet to recover all the bullets from the vic-" Esposito stopped himself.

"It's ok, guys. You can say it. It's not like Castle is here to hear you call his daughter a vict-." Beckett slumped into her chair, the full weight of the situation only now dawning on her. She absentmindedly played with the ends of her hair, brushing her loose curls across her face. How could this be ok? How could it ever be ok again? Alexis was fighting for her life. Castle was beside himself. And her she was. Just sitting at the 12th as if this was any other case that came across her desk.

"Beckett, you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." She replied, snapping back to the moment. "Let's get all this up on the board."

* * *

An hour later the trio sat in front of the double murder board, now complete with as much information as they had; the faces of the gunned down students looking out at them as they did so. Their smiling faces from their latest school photos were in stark contrast to their crime scene photos posted at their sides.

The only casualty without a crime scene photo was Alexis. The last thing they wanted was Castle strolling into the 12th and coming face to face with that, having to relive the horror. Well, that's the line they fed to the Captain, but it was as much for their own sake as it was for Castle's. These were tough cops, seasoned Detectives but that hit far too close for comfort. Instead, the photos of the bloodied and dying Alexis remained in an envelope alongside the files on Beckett's desk.

"Guys, it's late. We can't do much more on this until the morning. Go home. Get some rest."

"You sure? We're in this together, you know. As long as you're here, we're here. Right, bro?" Esposito turned to Ryan, looking for back up.

"Of course. I mean, this is Castle's kid. This is one of our own. We worked your shooting round the clock – we'll do the same now."

"Absolutely, I'm sure. We can't do anything else until morning except sit around looking at the boards. Let's get out of here."

"You're the boss" Espo conceded. He and Ryan grabbed their jackets off the back of their chairs and headed for the already waiting elevator, stepping inside as the doors slid open. Having taken the extra time to turn out the lights and straighten her desk, Beckett broke into a sort of 'mini-jog' so as not to hold them up too long.

"Hey Ryan, hold the doors" She called across the bullpen. "Thanks…and thanks." she added with a side bob of her head, talking first of the elevator and then of the gratitude she felt towards her colleagues for their covering for her earlier in the day, for quietly supporting her when she needed to share in their stability.

"No problem." Esposito acknowledged her with a hand on her shoulder. He didn't overdo the emotion – it wasn't their thing.


	8. Chapter 8

_2011_

Sitting alone in her Crown Vic having parted ways for the evening with Ryan and Esposito, Beckett pulled out her cell and dialled '2' – the speed dial set for Castle and second only to her father. Almost as soon as she hit the call button, she ended it. Was it appropriate to call someone who was in a hospital waiting to hear the fate of their child? Maybe she should text. But what if a text was too impersonal? She wanted to hear his voice, but what if he didn't want to hear hers? What if he was in a meeting with the Doctor and she ended up disturbing him?

She leant forward and rested her head on the steering wheel, her phone idling in her hand, the display dimmed with inactivity.

Why did this have to be so hard? Why couldn't it be just like any other case? She's good at them. This? This is way beyond her limits.

After arguing with herself for a good while, Beckett decided that a text – and not a phone call – was the way to go.

_I'm finished for the night. You need me to bring you anything from home? Any word on Alexis?_

Short and to the point. Castle would appreciate that from her. She hit the send button and headed in the direction of her apartment.

* * *

_1993_

When Rick and Meredith found out that they were expecting a girl, Rick hired a mural artist to paint a fairy tale princess scene on the wall of the nursery. "Only the best for my Pumpkin Princess" he'd said. He'd bought a photo frame with 'Daddy's little girl' engraved across the bottom and entrusted the sonogram picture to it. Meredith was just pleased that "we only have to agree on a name for one gender now", but Rick hadn't let it dampen his spirit.

That very same day, he'd phoned his mother, his publisher and even his dentist to share the news. Naturally, Martha was as excited as he was and for once in his life, Rick was appreciative of his mother's dramatic flair – her excitement and grandeur over the whole situation made him feel special, like this was important and it meant the world to someone other than himself. His publisher also offered her congratulations and gave approving grunts and 'oh how wonderful's at the appropriate moments, but his dentist…well, let's just say Rick caught him at a bad time and he wasn't so good at feigning interest.

Still, Rick was excited and there was nothing he could do to contain it and no amount of '_I'm your dentist, not your wife's obstetrician, why should I give a rat's ass' _was going to get him down. He knew one place he was guaranteed to be met with the same level of enthusiasm as his mother showered on him, but he needed Meredith's approval first.

"Hey, Meredith?" he called to her from his office. "What do you say to a public statement about the Baby?"

"A public statement? Are you kidding me?!" the voice of his enraged wife reached his ears before she'd even appeared in his doorway.

"No, I – "

"It's hard enough for me to get work in this town as it is right now. I don't need you making an announcement to the world and cutting off the small chance I have left."

"But sweetie," he had to tread carefully. He was on _very _sensitive ground right now. "People are already asking questions, speculating. It's not as if your belly is easy to hi–….I mean" he paused a moment to consider his words, _carefully_, he reminded himself. "She's growing every day. People are going to notice sooner or later. We can't keep her under wraps forever and it's becoming more obvious she's…in there."

"I know, but I just want a little longer. A little longer of just us. We're good together, Rick."

"Honey, you're an actress, I'm a New York Times bestselling author. The puts us _both _in the public eye." The 'this-is-as-much-due-to-your-career-as-mine' spin he was trying to put on the whole situation wasn't really doing much for him. Sure, Meredith's status had rocketed (in relative terms) when the two of them got married, but he was still very much the one that held the public's attention.

"Half the people in this city haven't even heard of me, and those that have, only think of me as 'Richard Castle's wife', not as _me. _When this gets out, all I'm going to be is 'Richard Castle's baby mama' and that's ten times worse."

"How? How is that worse? She's our daughter, why aren't you proud of her?"

Meredith sighed, fought her tears. "Because I'm no good for her."

Rick let out a light chuckle and pulled his angry, fragile, hormonal wife into his arms. So that's what this was all about.

"Of course you're good for her." He kissed the top of her head, held her tight. "You're her mom, she needs you. Me? I'm just her goofy dad. You've already done more for her than I have." He released her from his embrace, holding her at arms-length as he perched on the corner of his desk, looking up at his wife and placing a hand over his baby. "I can never give her what you've given her. You are the most important person in her life."

That was it. He'd done it, he'd pushed her over the edge. He'd flung open the flood gates and now the tears were flowing thick and fast. Rick wiped his thumb across each of her cheeks in turn, drying her tears with each stroke.

"You really think it's time?" she asked him.

"I do. Your belly is bigger than mine. People are talking and they're not saying how good my new diet is." He joked, putting the smile back on her face.

He rested his head against her growing stomach, which – now it was draped in Meredith's orange and black shirt dress – even resembled a mini pumpkin. She ran her hands through his thick, dark hair and he knew she was beginning to feel more at ease about the whole thing.

"Leave it with me, I'll make it good. I promise." He vowed as he stood to plant a gentle, lingering kiss on her lips.

* * *

_2011_

The incoming message on his phone startled Castle back to the present, his mother clearing up the remains of their 'meal'. He glanced at his cell, the screen lit with Beckett's face and the beginnings of her text message.

Without a thought and without reading the message in its entirety, he excused himself from his mother's presence and slipped outside the door to call Beckett back.

The dial tone had only sounded twice before she'd picked up.

"Castle? Is everything ok?"

"No. How can it be ok?" he snapped, unsure of where it had come from and why he was inflicting his anger and frustration on Beckett.

She silently cursed herself, how could she have said something so insensitive?

"I know, you're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." The line between them fell quiet for a moment, just the background buzz of hospital activity standing between them and absolute silence. "Any news?" she rephrased, hoping for a better outcome this time.

"No, nothing." He softened slightly, "Haven't even seen a Doctor since you left." The pain in his voice was evident but the snap had gone. This whole situation was wrong; the last thing he needed was to land himself on the wrong side of Beckett as well and have to find his own way through all this.

Beckett didn't know what to say to him, the unfamiliar territory making her feel uncomfortable and causing her to change tack. "Do you need anything, Castle? I can swing by your place and pick you some things up if you'd like?"

"Erm, no it's ok. Thank you, though." The unusual quiet falling between them again, making them both uneasy. "Actually, can I just…can I…can you please bring Alexis some pyjamas? The ones they give you in hospital are horrible, I want her to be comfortable." He was finding it difficult to string his words together, worry and fear both wreaking havoc on his composure.

"Sure, no problem. Is there anything else I can get? Anything _you _need_, _Castle?"

"I'm fine. I don't need anything. Can you just be here soon… Alexis needs pajamas." As usual, the real words he wanted to say were buried in the subtext, hidden between the lines; "I need _you._"

"Of course. I'll be 15 minutes." When what she really meant was _"I'm here for you_."

"Thanks, Kate."

"Always"

And they hung up the phone.


	9. Chapter 9

_2011_

It hadn't taken much to stop by the loft and pick up a few bits; pyjamas for Alexis and the modestly sized, well-loved stuffed polar bear that was residing under the pillow with said PJs. It was little things like that which reminded Castle – and now Beckett – that despite her growing years and seemingly infinite maturity, there was still the hint of a child buried in Alexis' soul.

_Just like her father_, Beckett had thought. Although with Castle, it was more than just a 'hint' of child.

Beckett had done a quick sweep of the apartment, picking up other useful bits and pieces and checked that the windows were secured; she couldn't help it, it was the cop in her.

True to her word, Beckett strolled into the E.R. fifteen minutes after she and Castle had ended their conversation.

She tapped gently on the door of the side room she'd left Castle and Martha in before she poked her head round and slipped inside.

Martha was pacing in front of the window, a look of concern painted across her face. Her arms were folded across her body, an uneasy fist resting under her chin. Kate didn't exactly know how old Castle's mother was, but tonight, she'd lost her youthful glow and for the first time, Beckett could _really_ see the age lines etched upon Martha's face. Each line a story, a pain or stressor in the Castle family history. Kate hated to think of all the times she hadn't been there for her partner; the times he needed an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on.

She pushed that train of thought as far from her mind as she could manage – what mattered was that she was here now. No 'what ifs' or 'maybes', she was there. Now. When it counted.

Kate turned her attention to Castle, slumped in an armchair in the far corner of the room looking weary and restless.

"Hey, Castle?" she whispered, not wanting to disturb or startle him.

"Kate?" he whispered back, fighting the weight of the lids anchored over his eyes, still not entirely with it.

"Yeah." Kate crouched next to him, placed her left hand on top of his on the arm rest, rubbed her thumb gently over the web of his hand. "Hey, I brought you this. I thought you could do with a decent cup."

Castle's eyes opened a slither, just enough to see what she'd brought. Kate pulled Castle's travel mug from the bag she'd brought in and placed it in his hand.

"Straight from Casa del Castle" she grinned, pulling out her own travel mug and a 'cleanser' drink she'd pulled from the fridge that Martha was into lately. "Stuff here tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid" she winked, recalling Castle's opinion on the coffee at the 12th before he'd sprung for a fancy new machine for the homicide floor.

"That it does." He agreed, taking a sip of his beautifully familiar home-brewed-Kenyan-coffee-bean-pick-me-up. From the first mouthful, the writer perked up considerably – enough to at least make a contribution to the small talk. "Thank you. You have no idea how-"

"No problem, Castle. It's what partners do."

Beckett settled herself back on the sofa to wait out Alexis' surgery with Rick and Martha. It had been nearly six hours now, and still no word.

"Oh sweet Lord, that drink goes right through me. I'm just off to find the little girls room" Martha shared, picking up her purse and floating out the door leaving Castle and Beckett alone.

"So…how did Gates take all this?" Castle muttered over his coffee.

"She's…fine. Fine." Beckett was doing her best at 'nonchalant' but acting was Martha's forte, not hers.

"Kate…" Castle warned.

"Ok, so she was a bit peeved. Nothing I can't handle, Castle."

"But Kate, this could be your job on the line here."

"You don't think I know that?" she huffed.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"No, argh. I'm sorry. I…I just find it hard to separate myself from this case, that's all. I feel so helpless! My murder board is double the size it usually is, my witness statements are all over the shop, I've yet to establish how many – " she stopped herself, her internal autocorrect kicking in when it was needed. " – families are affected. I have _zero _on reports back from Lanie yet because she is still playing catch up from last week and urgh, I shouldn't be taking it out on you. I'm sorry. You don't need to hear this, you have enough to deal with what with Alexis in surgery, and Meredith on the way. Not to mention your book tour that's due to start next week and your proposal for your next novel due soon and-"

With a single finger over her lips, Castle cut her off. He slid onto the couch so he could be next to her.

"I'm sorry, I don't know where tha-"

"Shh, shh, shh" Castle commanded, this time placing his hand gently over her mouth since she clearly wasn't getting the hint. "It's ok!" he assured her. "Even with the events of today, we're still partners. There is no one I want on this case more than you…and Ryan and Esposito. This hits close to home, I get it. You're allowed to feel vulnerable sometimes, Kate. It's what makes you a better cop. You _feel. _You know what it's like to be a victim, _and_ the relative of a victim. Your story makes you stronger. If I could write you a happy ending, Kate, I would. But this time, this time it's up to you…for all of us."

He dropped his hand from her mouth and let it rest by her knee. The speechlessness of his partner let him know he'd done just what was needed.

He'd grounded her, stopped her from falling through the cracks and set her on the right track. Her self-deprecating fight had gone, and determination stood in its place.

"There's nothing more you can do until the morning." Castle reminded her. "Rest while you can, we're all going to need you in the morning."

A certain sparkle returned to Beckett's eye, a sparkle Castle knew and understood. She hated being needy, so his needing her had restored a certain balance in their relationship. Their eyes locked in mutual understanding, each knowing that they wouldn't survive this without the other.

"Thanks, Castle."

A slight nod and knowing grin was all that it took to accept her thanks; the unspoken between them a thousand times more powerful than any words that could be strung together – on paper or by mouth. Beckett beamed and shifted a tad closer to Castle, thankful that she had her partner to keep her sane. The hand that Castle had rested upon her knee gently made its presence known, slow circular movements reminding them both that it was there.

The moment was broken by the shrill tone of Castle's phone screaming from his pocket. They jumped apart, the inch that was previously between them stretched to a foot or more.

"I better get that." Castle stated, rising from the sofa slightly flustered.

"Yeah, of course." Beckett waved him on in encouragement, knowing he was right.

"It's Meredith." He turned the phone display to Kate so she could see before he answered.

"Go, take it!" she urged.

After a deep sigh and a moment of mental preparation, Castle hit the green phone.

"Meredith." he answered, his voice lacking its usual flair and enthusiasm. "No, no news yet. She's still in surgery… And that's the earliest flight you can get?...But Meredith, Thursday is almost two days from now…" Castle looked helplessly at Beckett who stood obligingly and placed an arm of friendly support around his shoulders, resting her head there aswell so that she could hear Meredith's side of the conversation too. "An audition? But Meredith, our daughter is critical. Anything could happen between now and Thursday, don't you get that?...You're always putting your career ahead of her. Just this once, do the right thing and get your priorities in order."

His telephone rant to his ex-wife was cut short by a knocking at the door. Beckett turned around and took a step away from Castle.

"May I come in?" the Doctor from earlier in the evening had returned.

"Of course" Beckett gestured with a hushed tone.

"The Doctor is here, I'll call you back." Castle hung up and threw his phone into the corner chair. Beckett had never heard him so exasperated; she hadn't heard the whole conversation with Meredith, but she'd heard enough to know that it wasn't good.

Castle took a step up behind Beckett and held her close, more so to keep himself standing than anything else. He'd written scenes like this a hundred times before and given the way this one had started, he could already tell that it wasn't going to have a happy ending.


	10. Chapter 10

_2011_

The doctor urged Castle and Beckett to take a seat – another tell-tale sign to the writer that this wasn't going to be good news.

"Mr and Mrs Castle," he began, still under the impression that Kate was Alexis' mother. "Alexis suffered a great deal of internal trauma and dramatic blood loss." Castle held his breath as he sat forward, resting his elbows upon his knees, his hands together with fingers interlaced, as close to prayer as he'd found himself in years.

"This place is so big I'm lucky to have found a bathroom, never mind made my way back here" Martha burst back into the room, interrupting the Doctor's flow. "Oh, I'm ever so sorry. I had no idea you were here. Martha Rodgers, Alexis' grandmother. Please." she waved her hand to signal that the Doctor should continue and found her place on the sofa next to her son, perching on the edge and looping an arm through his.

The Doctor continued. "The damage to her arm – although appearing horrific – was minimal. No major vessels were hit and our main cause of concern here is the potential for infection. We recovered the bullet from her shoulder and again, she was lucky. It clipped the clavicle and embedded in the scapula but missed all the 'important' structures. She'll need physical therapy further down the line, but at the moment, this is only of minor importance."

Although this was – in relative terms – good news, the Doctor was delaying telling Castle what he really wanted to know.

"Now," The Doctor prepared himself for the fallout of what he was about to share with Alexis' family. "As you know, there were two other gunshots that we were most concerned about. Alexis is currently in a critical yet stable condition. The trauma to her chest resulted in a collapsed lung and something called a 'pneumothorax'. That's when-"

"…when air collects in the space surrounding the lungs. Got it." Castle added before the Doctor had the chance to explain. The word itself was enough to send him into a spin, knowing full well how serious it was having had first-hand experience of it when Beckett was shot.

Beckett placed her hand on his knee and gave a gentle squeeze of calming reassurance_; 'I'm still here'._

"Yes, that's exactly right. We inserted a tube to release the pressure and allow the air to escape and have repaired the tear to her diaphragm, the damage to the lung and surrounding areas as best we could. And finally, we found substantial trauma to her liver. The bullet caused a lot of bleeding which took great effort to control. Now, the liver has great regeneration properties, but we won't be able to tell how well Alexis' is functioning and how significant the damage is until she's had some time to recover. As it stands, only time will tell. We are keeping a close eye on her to ensure that her condition doesn't deteriorate. The next 24-48 hours are crucial. Do you have any questions?" He waited for a reaction, but nothing came; stunned silence wasn't what he expected from a novelist.

As the Doctor got up to leave, he turned to the 'Castles' and said "You might not feel it now, but she's been lucky. Bullets of that size could easily have caused more damage. Someone up there is looking out for your girl."

"Thank you, Doctor" Castle finally found his words and his feet, shook the medic's hand. "When can we see her?"

"A nurse will be round shortly to take you to her. We just need to get her settled into the ICU first."

Castle gave a small nod of acknowledgment, which the Doctor returned with a kind smile before leaving them alone to deal with this new wave of information.

* * *

_1993_

As the months drew on and Meredith's belly grew, so did Rick's excitement. He'd lie his head on the bump and feel his daughter kicking and stretching while her mother was watching the television.

"Oww! She kicked me in the head!" he'd joke, rubbing the side of his head. His silly comments and fawning over their child was enough to coax a smile out of his apathetic wife and on occasion, she'd side with the baby, saying something like 'She's got a good aim' or 'That's my girl'.

It never lasted long though because Meredith would complain of the extra weight putting pressure on her bladder and she'd waddle off to the bathroom, cutting the moment short and forcing Rick to move off of them.

It was a cool evening in mid-September when Rick took an early night – he had an important breakfast meeting with Black Pawn the following morning and didn't feel much like being groggy and impatient at such an early hour when important decisions had to be made. He was never one for the 'business' side of writing; he wrote because he enjoyed watching the story develop before him, taking its own unplanned twists and turns and seeing his words come to life on the page, his book in the bookstore.

"Night, Baby." He announced, slowly opening the bathroom door and being greeted the glow of the candle light his wife was enjoying with her book in their oversized bathtub.

"I'm not your baby" she groaned, he'd tried the nickname in the past and it wasn't one she'd taken to.

"No one said I was talking to you" he teased, resting on his knees he bent over and kissed the crown of her bump as it peeked above the water. Meredith started giggling. "What?"

"It's nothing…you've…come here." She put her book down at the side of the bath before grabbing her husband by the collar and pulling him closer. She wiped her thumb over his forehead and combed her fingers through the front of his hair. "Bubbles" she chuckled, before purposefully putting more on his nose.

"Hey, now!"

"Problem?"

"Yes!" He leant in closer to her, close enough to whisper in her ear. "You're reading Patterson's book! I feel like I've been cheated on!" His mock outrage was well delivered, the acting genes his mother passed on clearly doing their work.

"Yeah, well you know what they say – variety is the spice of life" she managed to wink at him before he splashed her in the face.

"We'll see about that" and he planted a deep, passionate kiss right on her mouth, moving round to the part of her jaw just under her ear, right where he knew it got her every time. "You can read another man's books" he uttered between kisses, "but that's all the variety you'll need."

He removed her arms from around his neck and placed her book back in her hand. "Enjoy" he smiled, "I'm off to bed." After placing one last, lingering kiss on her lips, he got up to leave, knowing she was longing for more. "Goodnight, Baby."

* * *

It was later that same September night when he was awoken to screams of "Richard! Richard!" from his bathroom as his wife went into early labour.

Despite his initial panic, he'd pulled himself together enough to get them all to the hospital. All he could do was watch and wait as Doctors pumped a cocktail of drugs through Meredith's veins to try and stop Baby Castle arriving seven weeks ahead of schedule.

"Try not to worry, it's all going to be ok." Rick soothed, not sure if it was for Meredith's benefit or his own. He'd never seen her so worried before, especially not in relation to the pregnancy. She never seemed to care about it – until now. He was both overjoyed and concerned at the same time – glad that he finally knew she _really _cared about this child, their child, and upset that it had taken this to happen to make her realise.

Anyway, there wasn't any time to be pondering over that. Right now, there was a very real danger that their daughter would be born seven weeks premature. Rick had done his reading, he knew what this could mean for his wife, their baby, their family.

Cerebral palsy, vision and hearing problems, behavioural issues, respiratory distress, pneumonia, jaundice, anaemia, any number of infections…He tried not to think about it.

After eleven hours and an increasing number of contractions, the Doctors changed tack and prepared for the imminent arrival. The world was a rush around them, neonatal specialists were put on standby, an incubator in the NICU was arranged and the Castles were warned about what was likely to happen once their baby was delivered.

* * *

Nineteen hours after it all began, the Castle family became three. 'Baby Girl Castle' – as was written on her hospital bracelet – was whisked away the moment Rick had cut the cord, her lifeline.

Rick felt a sudden rush of guilt as it dawned on him that he'd severed the only thing that had tied his daughter to life – the one thing that had sustained her thus far.

Now she was on her own. He'd been the one to do that to her.

Her mother could no longer support her and he felt more powerless than he'd ever felt in his life.

The new mum and dad held each other as they watched helplessly as Doctors swarmed around their baby. She was passed from doctor to doctor, wrapped in a blanket and rubbed down. Her limbs lay limp, their baby mute and with a purple tinge. Finally, they heard a small mewl as she was rushed out of the delivery room and towards the NICU. They both knew that their Pumpkin had a fight on her hands, but neither doubted her ability to tackle it with all she had.

It would be a while before the couple could see their new daughter, but once the Doctors had done their thing and cleared out of Meredith's hospital room, Rick sat on his wife's bed and enveloped her. Their close proximity and strength of connection provided them with a make-shift security blanket to replace the one that had been pulled from under their feet. Their daughter, their family unit, depended on their strength. At that moment, apart, they were useless but together they could offer her (and each other) so much more.

For a long while, they didn't say anything because words were not enough. No combination of words could do their situation justice, make their daughter well or undo the last day and a half.

He knew she'd never admit it, but Rick knew his wife was hurting. This baby hadn't been what she'd wanted or planned, but now she was here, even Meredith couldn't help but worry about her.


End file.
